Mavis Beacon Te aches tYping

Mavis Beacon Te aches tYping

The fine art of staring at the keyboard while typing.


August 4, 2014

Home keys? I’ll rest my fingers wherever I’d like to, thank you.

Back in elementary school, rather than paying attention and learning to type in computer class, I snuck in countless games of Space Junkie. Sure, all my other classmates can now type more than 25 words per minute, but do they have those fond memories of rocking the high scores in a subpar Space Invaders ripoff? No… they don’t.

My current method of typing involves using both pointer fingers and middle fingers. This four-finger approach puts me leagues ahead of those two-finger typists. My stepdad goes as far as pressing Caps Lock twice instead of holding shift when starting a sentence… which is kind of awesome in its own right.

Public speaking. Pshhh, no problem. Public typing? I’d rather dip my nuggets in hot sauce.* I always avoid situations where I have to showcase my poor, poor typing skills.

*Side note: “Dip my nuggets in hot sauce” is an inside joke. My friend was responding to whether he prefered regular Wendy’s nuggets or the spicy ones. But it sounded more like a response to a question like “Would you mind mowing my lawn?” to which he’d reply “I’d rather dip my nuggets in hot sauce.”

The inability to type without looking at the keyboard has it’s major disadvantages. Most notably in the situation where I have to retype my handwritten notes on the computer. I have to juggle A.) looking at the paper to memorize a few words, B.) looking at the keyboard to type it out as quickly as I can before I forget it, and then C.) periodically looking back up at the screen to make sure I didn’t make any spelling mistakes.

As you can imagine, this all took me quite a while to type. Thanks for nothing, Ms. Beacon.

Written by Dan Bell

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